Crickets…

Admittedly, I'm not the greatest communicator. I never was raised in a household where they taught proper communication, and as a child, sometimes no communication was what the adults wanted. It hasn't served me well as an adult. It's a trait of mine that has left a trail of tears, anger, and bitterness. A lot of the time, my silence comes from my own internal struggle with how I'm feeling myself. How can I communicate effectively my emotions, such a complex concept that no one can really grasp? My brain spirals in and out daily and struggles with its own effective way of communicating with itself. How can I possibly interpret these feelings to someone outside my own world? When I fail to do so, the people around me take it personally, as an attack on them, but luckily for them, it has nothing to do with them and everything to do with what's going on up there. This internal discord makes it challenging to find the right words, to open up without fear of misunderstanding or judgment. It’s obvious my silence often speaks louder than my words ever could, leaving those I care about feeling neglected or pushed away. It's a cycle of dissapointment , where my inability to express myself fully leads to more isolation and misunderstanding. I'm constantly searching for the bridge that can connect the gap of my internal world with the external, hoping to find the right tools to build it. I'll still be here, engaged in the daily process of striving to improve, to sustain and nurture the relationships that mean so much to me.