Cant stop

I’ve struggled with the thought that I haven’t done enough, that I’m not meeting my expectations, and that time is running out. This is one of the few conflicts that I feel cursed with. I believe it played a significant role in why I started traveling at a young age. I was eager to dive into the world and figure it out, whatever that meant. As I got older, especially in the past few years, I experienced days filled with angst if I didn’t accomplish enough, whether it was traveling somewhere or simply staying active.

Keeping myself distracted and busy with exercise became an outlet for me over the past few years. However, just like anything else, fitness and exercise can also become an addiction, which isn’t entirely healthy. My relationship with fitness and working out isn’t as unhealthy as it used to be. At this point in my life, it has become a lifestyle—a way of living that keeps me active, in shape, healthy, and ready for whatever next adventure or challenge may come my way. It’s no longer about being the fittest person in the room or looking the best. Those are the wrong reasons to work out.

If I go to bed without having exercised that day, moved my body, gotten some sun, or written for at least one hour, I feel uneasy going to sleep, almost as if I’ve failed. It feels like I didn’t do enough with my day and wasted hours away. I often find myself questioning what I was doing—was I on the phone too much? Did I accomplish the things I set out to do? Then I remember that I was either spending time with my family or handling the mundane tasks that adult life calls for, like calling insurance, renewing my passport, and managing my license and registration. These things take time and energy.

I remind myself that it’s okay to just take care of things and that sometimes, that’s exactly what the day needs.