San Diego 246

Some days are better than others. Days and weeks feel blended and hours feel more precious than before. Wake up when and sun is out, drink my coffee, eat my breakfast, and follow my training regimen for the day until it’s time to shower and decompress before work. I'm on autopilot. Nowadays, things feel foggy and the future feels distant. I'm not getting closer or farther away from it. This is the longest I've gone without some form of climbing movement in years. My body feels different, but most of all, I mentally feel different. Climbing was my form of grounding it was a way for me to escape from the outside noise and allow me to feel powerful, climbing never cared for how much money I made, what car I drove, or what clothes I wore, it was the purest form of movement to me. You and your ability to go up. I'm unsure of the next time I will put on a pair of climbing shoes or smack my legs with chalk and I'm learning to accept that. I did a poor job of taking care of my body early on and I'm paying the price for it now. I try hard to not reminisce in the past, but lately, it’s been hard. As people, I feel we constantly want to be moving forward and when things happen that tend to shake our lives up, we end up questioning ourselves, asking, “Where did I go wrong?”

We never want to feel as though we are moving backward, but it’s hard to not feel that way when life doesn’t go the way you plan or intend. I suppose that the beautiful part of resilience is that even when hard times come; we have no choice but to muster up and keep going. At the end of the day, no one to turn to, no one to cry to. You go to bed alone and you wake up alone and it will always be up to you to decide how your day is going to go.