California 189
Im not even sure where to begin. Im leaving San Diego in close to 10 days thats something that I expected to do. What I didnt expect was to be here for almost 6 months. I feel grateful to have a place so beautiful to come back whenever needed. I sometimes forget the fact that I had a terrible knee injury so i find myself questioning the choices ive made in the past few months. It was an injury that took a devastating toll on my mental, emotional, and physical health and I didnt realize until it was to late. Im nervous to go back to this life of chaos and uproot my life that I feel ive made quite comfy here in San Diego. Im not nervous about whats to come but nervous of what im leaving behind. Im starting from square one im crawling from the hole i dug myself in. For two years I was on a high I felt i couldn’t be stopped I was all over from the border of Canada and Montana to southern Texas eating barbecue and many other places. I was climbing, trail running, and camping in all these beautiful places and then suddenly everything stopped. No warning just a complete halt and I accepted it. I had the support from family members, friends and an ex-girlfriend at the time which made the process of healing so much easier. I believe that if I settled with life now after a freak injury that may or may not could have been prevented that the life before that wasnt meant for me. Maybe im ignorant to think this is the life for me. I would like to think that im making the choices that will make me happy and result in a better version of myself I dont care to necessarily make the “right” choices. I want to be wrong being right has little to no value to me. When im wrong or make a fucked up mistake I can evaluate not only that but everything that led me to make that choice or conclusion.
I dont know whats next. I do know that the next chapter or this new adventure im about to embark on will be the most challenging one yet. Loneliness is a choice but being alone and knowing you are not lonely is the a feeling I know i need to feel agai.
There is a way of being wrong which is also sometimes necessarily right.”
― Edward Abbey