California 186
Wow. This year has been a total fucking shit show. So I pretty much began the year a torn knee and a girlfriend literally I started the new year on January 1st with a torn knee and a girlfriend next to me in a bar in Wyoming. Well it’s June now. My knee is pretty healthy and strong and i’m gaining my confidence again to run or hike pretty much use it and not be afraid. So I guess that’s a plus on the other hand… I was dumped. For the first time in my life 24 years of living I have finally had my heart broken. I can’t possibly name something worse than the feeling and I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy. It started out peaceful with love and an idea of reuniting but ended in some embarrassing ways. Its been interesting to see after a month how this break up has effected me. I’m old enough at this point in my life to see what connections and relationships are real for me. A year ago I believed if I was heart broken i’d lash out hooking up with girls, and putting myself in the “market” to move on because the next one is always out there! Well a year later and im steered in the opposite direction. I refuse to seek for love and companionship because first of all I need it all to myself especially right now. I need to be my own companion. I am alone but not lonely that is how I should feel always. I’m excited for the next few months before I start back breaking work. I plan on backpacking over 100 miles before work mid august. Right now I don't miss the feeling of camping alone sitting in a tent watching the stars. At one point I lived for that but not right now and backpacking this summer will reignite that love for being by myself. I haven’t done a solo backpacking trip in 2 years since October of 2020. I met an awesome girl that taught me many things but most importantly she taught me what it meant to miss somebody.
As I said in the blogs before I Have so many things to learn about myself and life. I’m a newborn and I have no clue. I needed to be torn down it allows me to rebuild myself back up.
I’d like to quote Benjamin button here I feel it’s fitting and it’s also a masterpiece of a movie.
“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.”