California 174

My life happens to be in a weird stage right now. I feel like my mind is blank, I feel like I lost the ability on how to think. Hurting my knee was probably one of the most impactful things that could have happened in my life, it changed the way I thought about my body, it changed the relationship I had with my girlfriend and most of all it brought me back to California. I feel like I lost a sense of my identity but at the same time is that even a real concept is identity even a real thing is it healthy to tie into something that we think is our identity. I guess in better words is I feel like I lost myself. Furthermore, I'm in the process of trying to let go of who I am to become who I might be. I spent the end of last year (2021) meeting a girl who blew my mind away and shifted the perception of how I viewed other people and how I treated myself. Falling in love is easy when the person you're falling in love with is something out of a movie. Relationships they are hard, you give yourself to someone you tell your secrets to someone, and you allow someone to see what maybe you don't even see. You make promises to people, and they make promises to you, and you try not to break them, but sometimes it doesn't work out that way. The promises you do keep, though, they can make a difference and people will notice that. I think the hardest relationships are not the ones that continued, the ones that are finished, but what really feels like is unfinished business. No one ever looks back at the things they've done right, they always look back at the things they've done wrong. We look back at those things and wish that we could correct them, go back in time do it differently say things differently. We can't. I think the important part is though is what we do moving forward we can't change the past, but we're always in control of the future, specifically ours. I say that but ironically right now in my life the future is unknown I feel like I have no control of it, I feel like it's controlling me. To have someone care about you and to care about someone is one of the most valuable and special things that life can bring you. It's a sense of comfort, it's knowing that you're not alone and whatever pain you're feeling whatever sadness you're going through, almost like you can share those emotions with somebody. It sounds insanely cliché, it's very true we don't realize what we have until it's gone it's a sad reality, but I think a lot of us have to go through that. If we have the chance to hold on and look deeply and appreciate the little things in life the people that care about us the small gestures that make us happy even for 5 minutes, I don't think that we have to realize what we have when it's gone. If I had to explain one thing on what I learned about love it would be that if you truly love someone or something try your best to appreciate, if you can't find the strength to appreciate try and find the strength to not give up.