California 177

I got a new phone recently which is always exciting unfortunately. I I think there was a certain time where everyone was keeping up with the new models of iPhones and then suddenly everyone either got stopped at the iPhone X or the iPhone 11 because they were just pumping out too many models too quick that were too expensive and the difference between each model wasn't anything significant. I'm probably the last person that should have a $1000 phone I go through them like a new pair of shoes. They either break or become suffocated with water.  It's always nice a brand-new piece of hardware in your hand almost makes me feel like I'm Iron Man.  My other phone is disconnected turned off with all the memories and storage saved on it they'll probably never be deleted and that phone will probably be kept in my possession for as long as I can. The great news is is that I had to start my phone fresh meaning no apps no contacts nothing.   Feels like a clean slate. It was an outside version of control for me that means that the apps were just not there so now I choose not to download them back onto the phone and if I do I'll feel like a classless addict (just a joke).   

The future is so blurry to me right now and every day I'm gonna be trying to clear it more up. There are things that I need to do for myself that I  haven't done in my entire life. I think in a way we all owe it ourselves to heal our past. I'm prepared to do that. I think it's one thing to affect you but when it affects the people that you love it becomes reality you see the damage you see the pain it causes. I think it's easy to ignore the damage we do to ourselves because we know our limits and we know what we can endure. 

 I said the future is blurry as if im expecting it to be clear but the truth is the future is never certain it's never crystal clear. I think what we can do is create a better version of ourselves in the present so that our future self can thank our past self. It's a waste to say that I'll be better in the future why wait in a week or a month? Nothing will change. If you want it, if your heart desires change specifically from yourself change you won't get from anywhere but seeking inwardly you start now you start with the present self and if you do it right the future will be as it should. The way it's meant to be.  
Hope at the end of the day might be the only thing we need.
I wont describe why I used the certain photo I used for this post. It's important though.