Guest blog from Adrianna.
Life is lonely. However, every time I get the chance to spend time with a close friend, I leave feeling inspired. I only have a handful of people I consider close. I move around a lot, but some people stick. Two are from my time in Spokane, WA, and two are from back home. I'm the friend who doesn't mind hopping on a flight or driving 8 hours just to hang out for 2-3 days. Spending time with people I feel relaxed around is hard to come by. When I'm around people I'm not super close to, but still really like, I get the shakes—a physiological symptom of anxiety, I guess. My teeth were chattering as I said goodbye to a friend the other day whom I hadn't seen in a year and still get a bit nervous around. It leaves me feeling exhausted after these interactions, interactions I do enjoy. It's strange.
Anyway, I've been lucky to see 3 out of my 4 close friends within the month of February. I'm going through a depressed phase and not feeling particularly open emotionally right now, but it's still nice to just be surrounded by people you love. I spent some of the weekend with Andy in San Diego. The trip was planned maybe a month ago. We went out to Joshua Tree to do a little low-key rock climbing. But alas, that is not how it went. The day started eager to get out there and rope up. But boys will be boys. Andy decided to follow his buddy and solo up a crack route, his foot slipped, and I watched him slowly fall down the 30-40 feet of slightly slabby rock. Hitting the first ledge, then somersaulting headfirst to the second, and finally landing in the gully. He then rushed over to me, putting his head in my lap. That’s when the blood started falling from his head down his neck, like a dam had slowly been opened. "Lucky" is the word that comes to mind thinking about this accident. No broken bones, no broken back or neck. No brain damage. Just a little gash in the back of the cranium. I got the blood to stop pretty quickly by applying pressure with his T-shirt. Four hours and three staples in the head later, we were in the town of Joshua Tree buying coffee and much-deserved snacks.
Andy has freedom in his life. I currently feel trapped in a place I don't like, at a job I am absolutely sick of. I'm trapped in this place because of said job, making the place miserable as well. Even if it’s a place I should like, on paper it has everything I would want. But that isn't how I like to live; I need a little bit of struggle to keep it interesting. If I have everything I could possibly want at my fingertips all day every day, I don't know what to do with that. I like type two fun; I need some hardship, some struggle mixed in there somewhere. I'm complaining life is too easy…but it is.
So, I leave this trip with the goal of figuring out how to have more freedom. More choice. More air to breathe, more room in my day for what I want. Maybe life will feel easy then, but at least I will have had to fight a little harder for it.