California 170
It’s been a long time since I’ve written on the site exactly one month today.
I think it’s mainly because I really don’t even know how to ride with going on in my head the past couple of weeks have been so weird it’s like an adjustment of life I somehow feel like I have fallen into the normality of things once again something I’ve been so desperately trying to get out of. I don’t say that into crazy dark more of a type of way where I’m trying to escape society it’s simply based on how I would like to live my life. I recently read a quote and I’m paraphrasing here but it was something along the lines of figure out how you wanna live your life and find a way to make money doing that. I think we’re born with that kind of Ideology because that’s what we wanna grow up to believe that we can create lives around doing exactly what we want and everything will be fine. Eventually, most of us grow up and realize that that’s not The truth is that you have to find any way to make money and You could be getting a regular job or selling drugs it’s up to you But there are millions of ways of doing it and sustaining yourself. Some are easier than others someone and makes you happier than others. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with any path anyone chooses for the life they want to live as I’ve grown older I’ve learned that it’s just about what’s more meaningful to you and what you find value in. For me, I can compare it to chasing a high And I realize that it if I want to achieve that “feeling” I have to live my life a certain way and in order for me to do that it’s necessary to make money but then again I value the way I’m making this money and how it makes me feel day today. I think it’s been like three years since I’ve been in the place I’ve been at and I thought I never would be at it again when I was 21 I felt really unsure of myself and lacked confidence in my decisions.
I plan on continuing this website for as long as I can. It’s a passion of mine. That doesn’t change where Im at mentally with the website. I don’t feel I have much to give my happiness doesn’t feel like it did a year ago or the clarity of the road ahead. Everything feels foggy as if I maybe took a wrong turn and now I’m dealing with the silent consequences.