Nevada 205

I sit at the library disconcerted by where life is headed. I feel I’ve spent a large part of my 20s so far feeling this way. Is it unhealthy for us to be worried about the future? Why let it worry you if it hasn’t happened yet? I don't ever want to feel that I’m living a life I’m not proud of. If I cant proudly speak about who I am and what I’ve experienced in this world I’m doing something wrong in my opinion. What good is it to speak of your life if not in the tone of prominence? I’m observant of my peers and the people in my life, where they are and at times the given nature of how they come off. I don’t think it’s hard to tell when you’re friends, family, and loved ones aren’t happy or seek some constant outside distraction. All you need to do is be a little more attentive to who they are at that moment than who they were in the past. It’s not hard to get lost and captured in all of life’s mundane nuances. Paying bills, the typical nine-five job, a nagging boyfriend/girlfriend, and cynical family members. There is an endless list of things in life we simply flat-out do not enjoy but we feel so strongly that we need to be a part of. Doing the lifeless routine of life can be easier but when all said and done the hardest thing sometimes is following our heart and intuition. Following your heart and intuition usually goes against what everyone else thinks we should be doing because, for some reason, everyone else already knows what we should be. I suppose this writing was inspired after last night listening to This is Water a commencement speech by the Author David Foster Wallace. I hope I don’t come off as if I’m preaching sitting on some moral high ground looking down on people but because I must exercise these qualities or commandments of life myself.

A large part of why I started this website and began writing daily with such commitment is because when we see enough we should write it down. I tell myself continuously that someday some morning when life has drained me of my wonder and I catch myself going through the motions of doing what I am supposed to do. And on that default morning, I will simply open up my laptop or notebook and there it will all be, a buried narration with what had possibly interested me. It will all come back and I will remember what it was like to be me.