The mouse in me

I feel a bit cowardly typing my website URL and hoping it remembers me. It's like I've abandoned a child, neglecting to care for it. The truth is, I haven't had much motivation to write for the past month or more. To write anything, whether it's a blog or a story, you need to be in the right place mentally, and I haven't been there.

Do I give myself grief and beat myself up for not writing as much as I used to? Yeah, I sure do. But what am I going to do? Force myself to write something half-hearted that I have no emotional attachment to, just because I feel obligated? No, I'm sorry. I need to be in the right mental state. I have to be emotionally attached and feel what I'm writing within my heart, soul, and mind.

My life is nothing short of a wild ride because I've made it that way. Everything I've done and tried to do has been in the spirit of being unconventional, and sometimes a bit narcissistically unique. It's only recently that I've realized nothing we do is truly unique; it's just copies of what others have done in the past. I'm okay with that, though.

The thing is, this wild ride takes a toll on you physically, mentally, and financially. It doesn't put you in a place of extreme stability. When you really want to be stable, it's hard because you're in this 10-foot hole you've dug yourself into. You've traded stability for fun and money for memories. Part of me feels burnt out, and the other part of me feels like I need to start anew, put on my big boy pants, and get over whatever I'm feeling right now. I guess that's the mental hurdle I'm dealing with.