California 184

I've stated before I never was or am the most avid hiker. I recently went on a hike and at the end it became I realized it was a necessity for me and for me to enjoy it wasn’t important but enjoy what I get it from a hike. It’s been awhile since i’ve hiked or walked a long distance alone, you and your thoughts thats about it. It’s interesting how we tend to forget the things that make us happy or helped create who we are today. I feel I have fell victim to that in many ways. I created a list today with all or almost all things that make me happy and create positive outcomes from. Its a long process to be true to the things you actually need to do to be the version of yourself you expect and not just distract myself with booze, girls and, drugs. Those things are easy. They are simple. It’s easy to go out and get drunk with friends it’s a tranquilizer we use to numb our pain. SEX and dating the tried and true method to relinquishing what needs to happen vs what we think will help happened. There is a time in life when you open yourself up to that. It’s a process to get to that and i’d like to get addicted to that process.

I’ve shed many tears in the past couple of days, desperate to avoid something that is unavoidable. Im aware of how this goes , im aware of the things I might come across, and that’s just how it goes. I desperately tried to hold on to something as if it was still there. Maybe on my end it was but no longer on yours. I’ve planned out my next few excursions and Im more excited then I was 2-3 years ago leaving. I’m going to into this with a new mindset I don't feel like that person anymore. It’s a beautiful feeling to know you’re diving into something with the intent to come out the person you need to be. The road ahead is long it’s only the beginning but with everyday we get closer to the end!

“You must be ready to burn yourself in your own flame, how could you rise anew if you have not first become ashes”

I read that yesterday and it resonated with me with how life is currently.